您有一个孩子，学后崩溃还是从A回来的时候
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今天，我很高兴与莎拉·奥克韦尔·史密斯（Sarah Ockwell-Smith）在英国众所周知是温柔的育儿专家。
几年前，当我生第二个孩子时，我决心对自己的育儿选择更有信心。我的第一任我的第一个长期母乳喂养，但我没有受到家人的支持，我找不到像我这样的育儿的人。我一直在来回走动，尝试婴儿床，想知道是时候该断奶了，因为主流声音更大。
我读了很多关于依恋育儿，母乳喂养和熟练的信息，当我第二次获得第二次，我比以往任何时候都以“循证”方式对父母更加决心，以尊重我的孩子的需求。
这就是我遇到莎拉·奥克韦尔·史密斯（Sarah Ockwell-Smith）的方式babycalm和toddlercalm课程。我和当地顾问一起参加了一个BabyCalm研讨会，我迷上了。我读了两本书（babycalm和蹒跚学步的人冷静）由莎拉（Sarah）撰写。然后我和她一起训练。
莎拉（Sarah）对她分享的育儿的知识和信心使我能够提升我的婴儿。我完全赞扬她的父母。
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因此，很荣幸与莎拉谈论她的最后一本书《开学学校》。
您能告诉我们更多有关您自己，您的家人和背景的信息吗？
我有四个少年，一个丈夫，一只狗，2只猫和很多鸡。我们都住在英国剑桥附近的一座老小屋中。我已经与父母合作了十五年。最初，我曾担任顺势疗法，产前老师，杜拉和婴儿按摩老师，然后在2007年，我开始参加育儿课，专注于婴儿和幼儿的年份，同一时刻开始写一个育儿博客（大多数人甚至不知道什么是博客！）。我仍然与父母一对一地工作，并每年与数千名父母一起举办育儿研讨会和网络研讨会。在2010年，我写了第一本书，现在，十年后，我正在研究11Th书
您被称为温柔的育儿专家；您将如何定义温和的育儿“样式”？
以自己想对待自己的方式对待孩子。基本上，以同理心和尊重对待他们，对其行为有现实的期望。就是这样。许多人错误地认为温柔的育儿意味着您必须做某些事情并勾选清单才能赢得标签，但这确实只是一种思维方式的转变。您如何喂养婴儿，分娩的地方，孩子的教育，睡觉的地方或其他生活方式选择都没关系。
今天，我们专注于您的新书“开始SchooL”。您准备孩子上学的最佳技巧是什么？
实际上准备它们非常重要。如果您得到了分类，那么一切都会变得更容易。Here I’m talking about things like making sure they can spot their lunchbox, recognise their name on a label, undo their water bottle, put on and take off their coat and hang it on a peg, lock and unlock a toilet cubicle door, hold a pencil and so on. I’m not saying emotionally preparing them isn’t important, but a lot of people focus on this to the exclusion of the practical preparation, which actually goes a long way to making them emotionally ready. I would also focus on your own emotions as a parent. Children look to us to know how to behave. If you are highly stressed and anxious about the transition, then your children will pick up on this. So I always advise parents to work through their own emotions and try to reduce their anxiety levels – especially on the first few days of term.
我喜欢您所有书籍的信息和放心。在这一中，我喜欢您如何强调孩子们仍然大部分时间与父母一起度过。一旦孩子全职上学，父母如何保持联系？
我认为父母需要了解，他们的孩子一旦开始上学，他们的孩子仍将在他们的大部分时间里与他们一起度过。Even though that time is reduced, on an average working week (here I’m presuming parents work full time and that the child is having an average amount of sleep for their age, this figure will obviously be higher if parents don’t work full time) children will still spend almost 60 waking hours with their parent(s). That’s a huge amount of time, compared to the 30 waking hours children spend at school. Parents are always the major influence! I do think you need to be a little more aware of how you spend your time and build in some special connection time (half an hour’s play before bed and half an hour at bedtime reading stories and chatting about the day is great), but also don’t dismiss time spend doing everyday things together. Preparing vegetables together is still connection time. Visiting the supermarket together is still connection time. It doesn’t always have to be about visiting the park, or constructing a complex play activity!
您解释说，对于儿童来说，有一个融化的课后是常见的。为什么这是您帮助我们的孩子从上学日过渡到回到家的技巧？
孩子上学后，孩子们在家中表现不好是很普遍的。这被称为“约束崩溃”。想象一下孩子的大脑是一瓶苏打水（可乐，柠檬水等），这是最简单的解释。整天，这个瓶子一直在摇晃，您的孩子在通过任何焦虑，压力或愤怒的情况下紧紧地盖上盖子做得很好（因为他们知道他们需要在学校“好”）。然后，他们回到家 - 他们感到足够安全，可以放手，成为自己的真实自我。从本质上讲，它们在隐喻上“撤消了盖子”（整天都在所有瓶子摇晃的盖子上都保持紧密关闭）。现在，如果您从一瓶摇晃的苏打水上取下盖子，它会爆炸到处爆炸。孩子们在家里经常发生同样的事情。脱下盖子的巨大释放意味着所有这些情绪都在洪水泛滥。父母经常问：“我做错了什么？ s/he is an angel at school, but a devil at home for me!” – but actually, restraint collapse is a sign of great parenting, it means these parents have raised their children to feel safe to express all of their emotions at home in their presence. The best thing parents can do here is to remind themselves of why it’s happening and stay calm and supportive. If parents have their own tantrums it just makes everything worse, similarly, punishing children for these meltdowns ultimately means they’re going to have to hold these big feelings inside, which often means for an even worse explosion in the future, or the child learns that it’s not safe for them to share their feelings with you, which can cause horrible issues in the teen years and beyond.
在当前的Covid-19情况下，许多父母对自己的孩子开始上学更加焦虑。你能说什么要让他们放心？
我认为这是关于解决我们自己的焦虑和烦恼。孩子们的韧性令人难以置信。我认为我们没有给他们足够的信誉，因为他们适应了新情况。通常，作为成年人，我们会担心他们实际上会很好的时候，但是我们将恐惧投射到他们身上，他们会忍受我们的焦虑。太多的人在谈论如何准备孩子，我认为这是我们需要更多工作的父母！
我还想在Covid-19的当前气氛中与您讨论儿童和社会化。许多幼儿的父母，尤其是4岁以下的父母和只有孩子的父母，担心孩子会错过社交技能。当我们在社交疏远时，我们可以在家中做些什么可以跟上社交技能？
社会化主要发生在家庭中。孩子们学习如何成为社会生物，并从与我们的日常互动中挑选社交线索和习俗。我们需要给自己更多的荣誉，因为我们有多重要！我们有机地做这些事情，而无需意识。我认为我们不需要做任何额外的事情，只要继续做我们自然而然的事情！实际上，我认为，与其错过社交化，许多孩子并没有从锁定和他们与父母一起在家里度过的所有额外时间受益匪浅。
在您的书中，您还谈到了当前学校系统的问题。您认为学校系统应该如何发展以满足孩子的需求？
我认为它需要在政府层面上进行改变。可悲的是，我认为在老师层面上几乎没有什么。问题是我们教育系统的（不足）资金以及政府对此提出的荒谬期望，例如：Ofsted，标准化的评估和不断变化的课程。在此级别进行更改之前，我认为预期的变化足以满足所有儿童（或老师！）的需求是不现实的。
如果父母不同意学校的纪律怎么办？我们如何将温和的育儿原则与学校更多的胡萝卜和棍棒系统调和？
Obviously I’d always start with a chat with the child’s teacher, head of year of head teacher and if needed the SENCO (special educational needs coordinator), but I think this is more about choosing the school that is best for your child in the first place. Make sure you’ve seen and discussed discipline policies before applying. It’s much easier to consider these things before your child starts! I don’t think it’s all doom and gloom however, this comes back to my earlier point about spending the majority of time with you, not school. Parents are always the major influence discipline wise and I think, by school age, children are resilient enough to understand things are done differently at school. In other words, unless something was a major problem, I would let it slide a little.
由于这是一个蒙台梭利博客，您对蒙台梭利教育有任何看法吗？（如果您不是粉丝，完全可以
）
I think the main principles definitely overlap with gentle parenting (especially when it comes to ‘respect’), however I would also add, just like with gentle parenting, that just because somebody uses the Montessori name – don’t automatically expect them to be gentle, or in line with all of your beliefs. I know my local Montessori school is a huge fan of authoritarian discipline (time out, lots of reward charts etc..) and am often contacted by parents who say they are surprised to see these things in a Montessori (or Steiner, or democratic etc..) education setting. Also, going back to what I was saying about not having to tick a list of things to be a gentle parent, I would say the same with any other style of parenting or education, don’t be afraid to do something that feels right for you, even if it isn’t strictly Montessori (or gentle) ‘approved’.
我的注意：玛丽亚·蒙特索里（Maria Montessori）本人不建议超时和奖励图表。相反，就像她那个时代的老师一样，她首先奖励了孩子，然后当他们不做预期的事情时，他们就孤立了他们。她很快意识到它没有任何作用。
她说：“没有人做过真正出色或成功的人做到了这一点，仅仅是因为他被我们所谓的“奖励”或害怕我们所谓的“惩罚”所吸引。坦率地说，“奖励和惩罚是灵魂的桌子，也就是一种奴役孩子的精神，更适合挑衅而不是防止畸形的手段”。所以，请进行研究当您访问蒙台梭利学校时。如果您注意到奖励图表或他们使用超时，请质疑他们！
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您是11本育儿书的作者。您如何选择下一步写的内容？我们对您未来的书籍有何期待？
I pretty much just write books that 1. I have personal experience of (for instance, I’m often asked to write a twins/multiples book, which I won’t ever do, as I don’t have lived experience of this) and 2. I wish I could have read as a mother at that particular stage. I’m currently writing a book for parents of tweenagers (8-13 year olds), all about brain development, puberty and common issues parents face at that age. After that I’d like to write one about teenagers (13-20). My eldest is 18, so I feel I need just a year’s more experience (the leaving home/starting uni part, which he does in September) to be able to do that one justice!
非常感谢您同意这次采访！并查看她的最后一本书“开学学校”。
这篇博客文章包含会员链接，不需要额外费用。感谢您支持我的工作。